Co Sex Addiction

The mental state of a codependent involved in a primary relationship with a sex addict.

Co sex addiction refers to a situation in which an individual becomes co-dependent with a sex addict. This is different from other types of co-dependency. Sex is so core to ones identity that sexual transgressions within a committed relationship are more damaging than are other process or chemical addiction. It is one thing for your spouse to be unable to put down the bottle and quite another for him/her to be unable to refrain from sexual behaviors outside your relationship.

Often individuals who have tried to maintain a loving relationship with a sex addict will exhibit symptoms similar to those of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD is a constellation of symptoms first identified in soldiers returning home from Viet Nam. The co-sex addict has experienced a similar level of trauma and may identify with the following constellation of behaviors in themselves:

be unable to concentrate,
be hyper-vigilant,
have sleeping or eating disturbances,
have obsessive preoccupation,
experience emotional turmoil,
take on excessive responsibility,
experience a compromise or loss of self,
suffer from irritability or
have recurrent disturbing memories.

Research has shown that co-sex addicts tend to come from families similar to sex addicts. Both report rigid (high expectations, inflexible rules) but disengaged (little connection between members, no one is talking about feelings) gamily systems. Approximately the same percentage of sex addicts and co-sex addicts report histories of sexual or other physical abuse and emotional abuse in childhood.

The co-sex addict deserves the same level of care as the sex addict. We now know that if both partners gets into recovery simultaneously, the chance of the relationship surviving is much greater. Even if the relationship does not survive, the likelihood that partners will find another sex addict or co-sex addict the hook up with is great unless each partner gets help.